Month: May 2014

Today I nearly lost an epic battle with a cold-blooded reptile

Today I nearly lost an epic battle with a cold-blooded reptile. In fact, the battle is still raging on as I type. How? Well, let me start from the beginning. WARNING: this is totally raw and uncut and freshly pressed and happening RIGHT NOW.

It’s a normal Saturday afternoon here in Bangalore. All seems decent and well. I had just wished my friend a good exam, her final one of UG! She had a lot of papers and crap in her hands so I told her; go on, I’ll close the door for you. As I close the door, THE DESTROYER FELL ON MY HEAD. I thought it was some debris or something, but when I looked at the ground I was face to face with a reptilian monster. A LIZARD.

I screamed, but choked it in. I didn’t want to alarm her as she left. I panicked like crazy. I thought, I have to kill it before it kills me, but how!? I’ve watched others kill them with ease; but I’m not like others. I could sweep him out the door, but if i miss with the broom he’ll climb the broom then jump on my face and oh God No!! Then survival mode kicked in. I ran to the best weapon I know… Clorox cleanup bleach. I’ve killed many spiders with this back home. Now, I know a lizard is far from a spider, but this was all I could do. I thought about using a shoe, but that requires my body to get too close to it. So Clorox cleanup it was. I don’t even remember going to the bathroom to get it. It’s possible I teleported into the bathroom, grabbed the bleach and teleported back in a nanosecond. I really don’t remember letting that thing out of my sight.

With the Clorox I started spraying that monstrosity like I had a mac 10. Then it started running unpredictably. It ran under the door, I sprayed more, and then it ran back in. omg. Wtf. So I’m spraying like a maniac. Then it did something of an unexpected leap. That’s exactly [one of the many things] what I’m scared of!! At that point I’m spraying and I’m like &*!! @!#@! And it ran under the shoe cabinet. It appeared to slow down, but it didn’t die. Then I’m flashbacking all these things people have been telling me about lizards. “If it touches you, you’ll be poisoned.” “All girls have to learn how to kill them else it will kill you.” “It will drop its tail and pretend to be dead.” I didn’t see the tail dropped, just the stupid lizard wagging around. At this point, I’d bleached pretty much everything in the room trying to kill this sucker. But now we were having a standoff. “It needs more bleach,” I thought. With a clear view under the cabinet, I sprayed more. Lizard runs out, I’m still spraying. Then it takes cover under the vase. I’m thinking, man this thing has to die. It’s him, or me and I can’t go out like this.

I devise a new plan. I’ll freeze it. I turned on the AC blasting. But then I thought to myself, if he gets cold enough, he might run into my room instead, looking for cover. Then I’m really toast. Then I thought I’d burn it. So I fill the teakettle with water and I watch to make sure he doesn’t move. Sneaky thing.

Finally the water is done and I fill up a mug ready to douse this fool. But I realize, again, it requires me to be way too close and his moves can be unpredictable and I’m already dropping this water everywhere making a mess with my trembling hands. Leave it. So I put the mug on the table and go back to plan A. Spray on that fool. And I’m spraying again, about to bleach the brakes off of this thing! And this time it moved slower. Like it might be ready to give up and die.

As I sit here, I’m still watching it. He could be faking a slow death, and I can’t risk him trying to sneak me later.  I don’t have anywhere to be for the next 3 hours. I can wait. No problem. You move, and you’re getting sprayed. As I said, the battle is still on. I’m typing, but I’m watching you.

Secondary problem here will be to clean up all this bleach everywhere before I give myself inhalation poison trying to kill him. 

the destroyer under the vase

the destroyer under the vase

Oh, you don’t see him?? He’s right here!

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And after his final bleaching…. he’s here. And this is what my eyes are affixed to now. 

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LORD HAVE MERCY! REMEMBER YOU SAID GOOD THINGS FOR ME. GOOD THINGS! 

Two weeks ago I thought raising money for RACE’s next installment was impossible

Two weeks ago, raising 134k for the RACE project’s next installment seemed next to impossible, only possible by God’s miracle.

Today we have 136k to pay the installment.

Funny I should say, “only possible by God’s miracle.” I don’t think it’s a big task for God by any means. I don’t imagine even one drop of sweat beading on His brow to make it happen.

And yet, I think it’s a pretty big deal. Less because of God’s obvious capability, and more because I’m experiencing growing pains in letting go of the god of my superstitions.

I have a hard time coming to grips with my doubts. I’m realizing that I expect to find disappointment in God’s Will for me. Because I seem to never know when or if my needs or desires align with God’s will, it’s a lot easier for me to accept disappointment while cautiously embracing happiness. Although I know His will to be good and perfect, I believe that in my imperfection, I’ll rarely pray for the “right things at the right time.”

Whether I’m praying to find lost keys, (maybe God is teaching me a lesson in being more organized) or asking Him to provide funds for the rescue home, I’m equally unsure if His will is “Of course I’ll provide that” or “wrong prayer, try again.”

I read something interesting recently about how people become comfortable with an unfriendly God, “who keeps them in their place by ensuring their continued distress.” Comfortable with that!

But when I look at my life, He hasn’t treated me that way at all. Only because of the uncertainty on whether my desires align with God’s do I approach life with this ridiculous caution.  This attitude is totally against Jesus’ teaching. In Matthew, Jesus is recorded as saying,

“You parents – if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead? Or if they ask for a fish, do you give them a snake? Of course not! So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him.” Matthew 7:9-11

There’s a huge truth in this scripture. God wants good for us, and He doesn’t have some twisted idea of what is good. It’s not God’s will to give us a snake when we ask for a fish, not even to “teach a lesson.”

Another truth from the Bible is found in Paul’s letter to the Hebrews where he writes,

“And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.” Hebrews 11:6

I don’t have to expect “bad things” so I can spin-doctor it into a good lesson from God because the Bible teaches us that He will reward us, and He will give us good gifts when we seek Him and ask. One way I can increase assurance that I’m seeking God’s will is to seek Him more and grow in my relationship through prayer and embracing the truths of Scripture. Because it’s there that we find His good will toward us written in the Blood of the Lamb.

I don’t have to cautiously accept good things as if God hasn’t actually meant it for me. I have to start acknowledging God’s specific goodness to me. As free as I feel to acknowledge the lessons, struggles, challenges etc. as blessings, I should feel equally free accept the things that make me happy, the deep fulfillment I get in serving, and even the “smallest” details He’s orchestrated that bring me joy. Not simply for the sake of my joy, but for His Glory that I might delight in it.

God blessed the RACE project beyond what was needed for the current installment. I have to believe that with prayer, He will bless with everything needed for the final installment as well.

Confession of first world proportions

Confession of first world proportions – I’ve never felt like natural resources were finite. Ever. I’ve long had an intellectual cognition that resources are finite, but I’ve never actually felt like anything would surely run out.

Back home in the States, I turn a faucet, and water comes out. It’s been doing that my entire life. The same goes for light switches and power buttons. I flip a switch, and it’s no miracle in my eye when the light turns on; that’s what it’s supposed to do.

I also know that places exist where this is not so. I’ve experienced power outages in other countries, but not quite on the scale that I’m experiencing now. I’m currently living in a place that’s in transition from a village to a well-developed suburb. Whereas before, outages I experienced were temporary, infrequent, and usually supplanted by generator energy, power outages here are frequent and last an indeterminable time. Even as I write this, the power has gone out countless times. Consequently, I’m moving from an intellectual knowledge of resource scarcity to an experiential awareness and it’s having a serious effect on my behavior.

Back home, I’d turn out some lights, and alternate between “long” and “short” showers ostensibly for conservation. But looking back on my actions and attitude, I now realize I was doing this because it’s the right or expected response to “knowing” that resources are finite.

 My have things changed. Seeing the big “bucket” on my rooftop that supplies water to the house is a constant and sure reminder that, I can’t run the water forever. It’s not like my water back home that comes from an invisible, seemingly inexhaustible source, piped in from “never-ending water land.” Thus, my new idea of a “long hot shower” is an 8-minute shower with 2 minutes of too hot, 2.5 minutes of just right, and 3.5 minutes of lukewarm, cooling off water. 

And the electricity… I genuinely feel grateful for every minute of electricity that we have running in this house, because I know at any moment, and on some days most moments, there will be none. When the power supplier has to conserve energy, or the transformers get overwhelmed or whatever the case, there’s nothing I can do about it. As a result even when there is power, when I go to use something requiring electricity, I have an inner debate on whether or not I need it.

I have no idea if these things help with the issue of scarcity, but I behave now as though they do.

 

This is what happens when you start to know with your heart that something is true, rather than solely with your head. Knowing with your head may produce some actions, but additionally knowing with your heart produces a whole different type of feeling and action.

Although I thought I was conservative in the past, today my actions have taken on another level. Today, I’m conserving out of a fuller knowledge and necessity to conserve. And because I’m experiencing finite energy, limited water, etc. everything I learn about conservation means something more to me. I use this knowledge as if my next bath depends on it – because it does. 

As I was thinking about all of this, something hit me – Now just imagine, I’m acting totally different just because I went from head to heart with my knowledge of finiteness of natural resources. What might happen if I actually come into an experiential awareness of the infiniteness of God? I shudder.

But, that too is happening. Certain things thought I knew about God, I’m starting to actually know about God. Honestly, I’m approaching this knowledge with caution. I can’t even imagine how overwhelmed I’ll become when I’m completely washed over by His Glory. Suddenly, I feel like I’m standing on the edge of the ocean watching a wave approach, trying to decide whether I should turn my back and crouch or spread my arms to embrace impact.

“For the Lord Most High is awesome, the great King over all the earth.” Psalm 47:2

Why I left the World Race

There’s absolutely no drama here. If you’re looking for me to say I discovered it was really Hogwart’s school of sorcery, you wont find it. That’s only partially true. (I kid…) I have zero regrets for going. I’m still all about kingdom journeys and my WR experience was a great step in the right direction.

If you haven’t read part 1 – “Why I joined World Race” you might want to refer briefly to that. In summary, I joined WR largely in part for logistics and Christian community, the most important of those being Christian community.

First, how might I describe a Christian community? One way would be as Christ-centered, Spirit-lead community that draws its strength to love God and people from a foundation based in Truth. I find it difficult to believe this can be had apart from Bible-centeredness. By Bible-centeredness, I mean strengthening our foundation of truth by consistently pouring over, discovering, and understanding the word.

The Bible is clear about the value of God’s word and its essence as truth. Scripture says, “The sum of your word is truth…” (Psalm 119:160) The Psalmist knows he can make no moves without this truth saying in all earnest, “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” (Psalm 119:105) He cries to the Lord, “Send out your light and your truth; let them guide me.” (Psalm 43:3a)

And as if to answer this plea with the ultimate guidance and essence of word and truth, “… the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth.” (John 1:14) In His own words, Christ says to us, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life.” (John 14:6)

And as we proclaim to be followers of Christ, Christ-centered, and working on His behalf, everything we do should be rooted in truth, in the word, in Christ.

Prayer – The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. (Psalm 145:18)

Worship – God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth. (John 4:24)

Loving and Serving – Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and truth. (1 John 3:18)

The lives and love we pour into others will ultimately be a reflection of that which we fill up on through our Spirit-lead discovery of God’s word. I don’t mean to say that apart from being a theologian with degrees in exegetical studies one cannot properly love; however, our affinity for the word should be like the great Psalmist who proclaimed, “How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!” For without such an affinity, our capacity to love cannot begin to breech its truest potential.

How does this relate to my experience with WR community? First of all, the WR is not anti-Bible. People are kind-hearted and love God. I even experienced people who are passionate about the Word and thirst to enrich their relationship with God through this. However (my experience) the greater community culture lacked urgency for incorporating deep discovery of the Word into our God experience. A Christ-centered community must value studying and sharpening each other in God’s Word as much as do-gooding, spectacular views, smiling children and great cappuccino. (All of which I thoroughly enjoyed FTR!) If we believe that God’s Word is Living Word, we should feel it, experience it, and approach it with the same awe and wonder as the other amazing gifts God has given us in His creation.

That’s the kind of community I thought I was joining; a balanced group who understood the value of experience, and love and everything being rooted and grounded in the Truth of God’s Word.

Fortunately, the Kingdom Journey continues!

(BTW, I started this as a 2-part, but it might become more of a mini series. There’s a lot. No drama; just … a lot…like disease and pestilence and stuff)